Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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