I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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