yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
