apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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