awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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