What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
