I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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