My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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