More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
