New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
