I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
