I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
