I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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