I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
