All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
