you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
