He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
