You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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