dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
