On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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