I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
