how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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