I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
