She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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