just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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