He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
