Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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