youre lurking in front of me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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