Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
