we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
