Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
