the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
