btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
