His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
