Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
