The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
