my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize