You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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