dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
