Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How naked do you want me to be?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
