it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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