Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
