Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
