I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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