Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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