It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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