I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
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What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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