You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
