i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
