i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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