Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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