Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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