Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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