apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
