things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
