Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
tell me about the eggs
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