I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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