The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was CRYING into my vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
