best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
