lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
