i just wanna soil my oats bro
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
