dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
time to smoke my breakfast
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
