I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
