maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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