I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
