he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
