I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
