I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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